


Far Too Long a Life

by posiemania



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, F/M, Grief, Letters, Love Letters, Online Dating, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, this is literally just a way for me to cope with some stuff ok
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-20 10:06:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10660326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/posiemania/pseuds/posiemania
Summary: An instrument of music is the same as death,End up this way please, the music is certain to be.The death of a person accuses one of the crimeToo far away, and so near to your soul.- Naveed Akram, Death of Music





	Far Too Long a Life

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Death of Music" by Naveed Akram.

4/17/17

Hey, Jamie.

Can I still call you that? Probably not, let’s be fair. James, then. Hey, James.

You’re probably wondering, why is Anna writing me in a google doc? Well, here’s an answer of sorts: I wanted to talk to you. And kik and text messages are all good and well, but sometimes I kinda see the merit of a letter. You can say everything you need to say and you can make it rambling if you want, but without typos. Also, with time to think about your words.

Not that I ever do that anyway, but oh well.

So...I’m writing you because we were friends. We were dating, for goodness’ sake. I mean, you were there for some important stuff in my life. And I think (?) I was there for some in yours as well. I guess what I’m saying is, you were important to me. Like, very much so. And...I miss that. I miss you, yeah, sure, but I miss _us_ more. Not us as in, dating-us, though I do miss that. I miss us as in friends-who-talk-and-joke-us. We were friends before we dated, and I miss that. And I get what you’re saying about not wanting to do the whole online friend thing. I do.

But you made me want to be more. And be something else than what I was. You made me want to be brave and happy and joke, and, honestly? Dating you was an incredible experience, and I wouldn’t give up those memories, because they were really, really good. You made me feel like someone really cared for the first time in a long time, and that got me through some serious shit. And I just really appreciate that you were there for me, even when I couldn’t reciprocate the way you needed.

Which I guess is part of why we ended, isn’t it?

Anyway.

I wanted to stand by trains with you and meet you in person and laugh and joke with you and get you a good apple pie slice and _even eat macaroni and cheese with you_. That’s how far gone I was. I would’ve eaten macaroni and cheese with you.

How are you doing? Are you eating right? Sleeping right? Taking any meds you need to take? I hope you’re doing all of those. It’s hella important that those three things are taken care of. I don’t want anything to happen to you.

I wish we would’ve met in person. You have a laugh that’s so nice and I just want to hear it in person by telling you shitty jokes and hearing bad puns.

I’m gonna stop this mess while I still can. Happy late birthday. I saw it was your birthday on Facebook, not that you probably would’ve liked if I’d said something.

\- Anna

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, all. So...this is an original work, obviously. It's really being written by me as a coping mechanism, but it does have an endgame planned out. I'm not sure how many chapters this'll have, but it'll be a few. This is all unbeta-ed, so feel free to drop a comment if I mess something up. Also, fair warning, I will try to tag everything, but in advance, this is probably going to have mentions of self-harm in it at some point. So, I'm not saying it is for sure going to have mentions of that in it, but just so everyone knows going into it.
> 
> Comments and kudos help convince me to make this on a better schedule!


End file.
